I am at work right now.  I am tired probably because I really did not get much sleep today.. about 2 - 3 hours.  I think I am functioning on RockStar and carbs.

The cool thing is that I do have at least one day off before my next couple of shifts and then I am off for quite a long stretch.  I am trying to get into a pattern of sleep, exercise, post, and also learning about an artistic form that will help me to find that bit of myself as well.

I have to write my mother but have not really worked on just what it is I want to say.  I think that perhaps that is also what lies heavy on my mind as of late.  I think when the time  comes I will obviously come up with just the right words to express exactly what I feel.

Ok so there it is I am tired but doing ok for now.

I had a few hard days last week.  I am not sure exactly what the problem was, I was just depressed and unable to really function fully.  I

I did keep up with my diet somewhat but I honestly had a hard time finding motivation to even wake up at times, much less doing exercise.  It was difficult, I am not certain if it had to do with my bipolar or with some new issue, or maybe I was just tired from work.  It had not only being a physically demanding but also emotionally demanding few weeks

I am really bad at keeping up with blogging even though it is so simple and easy really to keep up with it.

Anyway, this is my first post after signing up with Ediets.  I am trying to make this hopefully the last time I start yet once again to get healthy.  I really have to work at finding out why I have a hard time keeping up with it!  What am I afraid of; or what is it that makes it such a difficult thing to keep up with>

Emotionally I am doing well.  I have gone through a difficult patch at work and have dealt with certain aspects regarding the relationship with my mother.  I haven't really put that relationship in what I would call a stable place, it is a start I guess.  At least I am facing it now, instead of hiding it away.

Physically, I am keeping up with the water and for the most part the food program.  It is hard to really fit in the new menu and get all the new ingredients and stuff.  I am however keeping myself in a health and portion controlled eating regimen at least until I can come up with both a plan that works for me and all the stock of foodstuffs I need.   I have also started to work out more often, I am trying to get into a scheduled regimen; it is hard with work and all; and I must admit I have pretty much become accustomed to just doing my own thing which did not include exercise; so it is a change of attitude and of time management.

Psychologically and spiritually I am doing okay.  I am in the process of changing, modifying and adapting I think.  I am cleaning out not only my house but also my soul and my mind I think.  I am working on finding out who I am now, what fits and what no longer fits my life.  It is a process of sorts which I have just started.