This weekend I got to see my cousin. Her and I were always close as kids and as we grow up we seem to drift apart due to our busy schedules, but we pick up quickly. Therefore her opinions matter to me, but how much should I let them matter?

My cousin competed in several figure competitions 3 years ago. She did very well. After RC convinced me this may be an area I would not only do well, in but something I might actually have a real interest in, I have used my cousin as a source of inspiration and somewhere for me to take my questions.

Recently she told me that I’m probably too muscular for figure. From what I’ve seen I’m not sure I agree. I also know it’s too far in the future to start telling myself I can’t do it. I don’t know what I’m going to look like.

She made some comments that kind of offended me, but I tend to be sensitive and draw conclusions from people’s statements. I feel like her view is a negative one. That either she doesn’t believe I can do it, that I don’t know or have what it takes to do it, or that she is just warning me in advance. I feel more that she doesn’t believe in me.

She warned me that it takes a whole different diet and training regimen. I’m thinking, DUHHHH! Later, after mulling over what she had said, I realized, yes, I’ll have to fine tune some things, but really… losing weight takes a lot of planning, fine tuning, consistency, and devotion. How is that any different than what preparing for a figure competition would request of me?

My cousin has never had an overweight problem. She’s never had to worry about what she eats. It’s easy for her reality to consist of only restricting or monitoring her food intake while she was training to compete. But, in my world, it’s something I’ve grown very familiar to. I can’t expect she understand my world though – she’s never had to live it.

I guess this is just another example in my life of how I tend to let others determine my belief system. Every corner of my life there is a learning experience to be soaked up. In the past I would chosen to ignore them or push them to the side. Anymore, it’s inevitable that I will consume them.

Seems on the same day RC will be strutting his stuff on stage, I'll be witnessing my first show, the NPC Total Package Natural and Open Bodybuilding and Figure Competition.  I'm hoping my cousin can go so she can offer some insight into things as I experience this.  I'm excited and nervous - hard to explain.

I've talked to my "new" trainer, or at least my temporary trainer, about this and he said this is definitely one I need to attend.

Speaking of all that... The update there is that James has a building awaiting it to be filled with all the equipment. He's offering me a discount when he's ready to start working with me again. This place will also be kid friendly (in a way I won't have to worry about daycare, etc.), and we'll have no memeberships required.

If I do (ummmm, as RC says, "and we know you will") compete in a figure then I might need my new trainer's advice more to get me there. The cool thing is I might get the best of both worlds, as James and Mark (new trainer) are very "tight". ;) And there are plans (heh hem... shhhhhh...) for Mark to join James. Come on... I'm not totally blind, I knew that would happen. It may, in the end, workout more like a "team".

Of course, some of this is pure assumption, but I've got good resources to lead me to them.

Anyway... I talked in great length with Mark. I wanted him to know where I'm coming from emotionally. He said he totally understood and remarked the client/trainer relationship is a very special one. He said you become like family with the relationship you build with one another. I'm glad he understood and figured he probably would.

I also let him know why I chose him. I told him that his being involved in bodybuilding was a plus since figure might be in my future. I also told him I knew he had seen me work out in the last 6 months and kind of knew me a little better because of that. He totally agreed.

I talked about my concerns with how I've fine tuned my macro nutrients and calories and I'm really not willing to start all the way over. I told him what I've found to work, and what I've found that doesn't work so well, and what I REALLY can't do at all. He said, it sounded all reasonable to him and right on target, actually. What a relief.

Seeeee... this is the whole trust process starting over again. But, it's okay. I think I'll move through much more quickly this time.

Mark added at the end of our conversation that he really was looking forward to working out with me, and he really meant that. I felt that he was genuine. I also felt a little excited that he actually WANTED to workout with ME - made me feel good. He made me feel very comfortable. I'm looking forward to it myself.

I'll update after Wednesday (my first session).

Chapter .... Ahhh he**, I've lost track!

I have to be honest with myself here and I guess that's another lesson I'm being taught. I realize that when life throws something my way I tend to get in the way and interfere instead of letting things unfold naturally - so to speak.

For instance, with the situation of me losing my trainer. I'm so busy fighting it I can't see that there is another trainer that might possibly be better for me, and paticularly my goals. Even as I type that I'm feeling guilty for feeling this and trying to suppress it.

At the same time, if I hadn't have been fighting this so much would I have ever found that out? Who knows. But I'm starting to see so much about myself and things I need to admit to and work on.

Here's the cool thing. As far as I've come, I can look back and see this journey unfolding in a way I never would have suspected. After all, I just wanted to lose some weight. ;) It's magical in a way. Being able to look back shows me that I'm still in the middle of the journey and more great things are sure to come my way. Knowing this is how I keep the spark lit.

Life... BRING IT ON! :)

Man what a wild day for emotions, but anymore what day isn't an emotional roller coaster for me.  I almost skipped my workout, although I did skip my cardio.  I told myself I can start the self pitty s*** now or get over it and take what life is dealing me and find what I'm supposed to learn.  :)  So of course I chose self-pitty - HA!  NOT!!!

After figuring more out about this hip/back problem, I've had going on a year now in Sept. (ughhh), I decided I wanted to target this area more, since I'M in charge at the moment and trying my best to trust myself.  OH... and learning from my... MISTAKES! :)

45 min. (I think - forgot to look at exact time)

3 supersets
20/15/15 reps fitball wall squats w/ combination DB bicep curls and hammer curls (10lbs/15lbs/15lbs)
20/20/20 reps DB Split Squats (20lbs/30lbs/30lbs)
25/25/25 reps lying hamstring curls (25lbs/35/lbs/45lbs)

3 supersets
20 reps bulgarian squat (body wieght)
50 reps crunches

My butt is quivering :)

I learned tonight I'm stronger than I give myself credit for.  Guess I'll go add that to my list of strengths.  That makes 7 for my list. 

Wonder what tomorrow has in store for me...

Coming soon....