I'm taking today off, but all I had to do was 60 min. (all?) elliptical. I think recovery will be more beneficial to me at this point. I keep replaying in my head the thread RC posted about the importance of diet vs. exercise. If you have to choose one over the other, it needs to be nutrition first. I'll pick back up on Friday. We're working legs. (where's the drooling smiley)

It was funny RC mentioned he thought this goal might have a profound emotional impact on me, because a couple days before that post I had been feeling... weird. I finally put my finger on the weirdness. I'm entering new territory and it's just that it's all unfamiliar for me. From the beginning, I've been able to remember times where I had been in that paticular place before, but now... I'm moving out of anyplace I've ever experienced.

I was telling Mark the other day it's crazy that even though I'm not to the lowest weight I had seen in the last several years, I was definitely in a place I've never been before. I weigh 182 (minus a few oz. ) and my lowest weight as an adult was 174. At that time I was in a size 12. Now I'm almost 10lbs heavier and in a size smaller clothes. And anything below a size 10 would put me pre-highschool, in which I was technically a "kid". And how can you compare anything as an adult to when you were a kid? You're just too physically and emotionally different. So this is all new to me.

I'm also building more self-esteem by not giving up when I sometimes really just don't know if I can take anymore, just to realize... I don't have a choice when it comes to giving up or to keep pushing forward - continuing is inevitable.

I've been putting myself in uncomfortable situations in order to induce more growth and sometimes I wonder why I do that, it's almost involuntary though - or maybe I'm just crazy. Then, like a viscious cycle, I've been generating change within my relationship, and it's been real scary lately, as most of you know some of it already. The scary part is knowing I can't change or control what others do, and it's up to them to change or grow. Putting trust in someone else in that way is a very difficult feeling to deal with.

Then there's the hope of a life much better than I've ever experienced waiting for me in the future because of the more difficult things I will endure. That hope keeps my fire lit.

Anyway... profound emotional impact in many ways, yes.