I fell into a period in late August where I was going back to old habits.  There were several days that I was in a compulsive eating mode.  I felt I could not control myself and I would start eating from 6:00 am to about 9:00 pm.  I was on a carb craving attack.  Crackers, cookies, sweets, and salty snacks.  I told my DD that I was on a "Search and Destroy mission".  Food was the enemy and I was going to destroy every bit of it that was around.  The band did not help when I was eating little bits every 20 mins.  Over the period of these several days I gained 6 lbs.  I started to fall into the "I am always a failure" mode.  My negative self talk was "you can't control yourself therefore you are no good."

I was fortunate that I was journaling my emotions and my compulsion.  I was able to look back over the 2 week period and see that I was out of control.  Instead of allowing myself to fall into a major depression and pity party I decided to start over.  Start new. I looked back and saw that I was skipping some of my meds.  I wasn't getting enough sleep and I was letting stress get to me.  I haven't found the "one" trigger for the episode but I have found the desire to recommit to myself. 

I have made a goal to stay 100% on plan for the month of September with only 1 day as a "cheat" day.  I am going to allow myself one meal of whatever I want on September 15 for my granddaughters birthday.  I have made a goal to exercise at least 5 days a week and give myself permission not to work out on Sunday if I don't feel like it.  I am giving myself permission to take a nap on the weekend if I need it instead of stressing about work, home, kids, etc. So far so good.  I am taking each day, thinking about how I want to approach the day and following through.  Plans do change and I am giving myself permission to change with the day.  Nothing is written in stone.

I do have a short term goal to lose 15 lbs by the end of October.  With perserverance and the desire to succeed, I can make my goal.  I am not going to look at my long term goal because I can't visualize it right now.  I can visualize 15 lbs.  That is the picture in my head that I want to achieve.  Wish me luck.

I fell into a chocolate craving last night.  I ate about 250 calories of pure sugar with a few nuts just to say it was healthy? I have to remember that being a person with insulin resistance and hypoglycemia that sugar overloads my system with insulin and my blood sugar drops like a rock.  What a horrible feeling.  I am now back in control and ready to move forward. 

I have a "mini vacation" this weekend and am so ready to for a break from work and family.  5 days all to myself with my friends is just what I need to refocus and get back on track for myself.  It is so easy to let everyone else take priority.  Bosses, kids, friends, other family, etc.  We all forget to take time for ourselves and put ourselves first for once.  Remember that if we do not take care of ourselves, we cannot take care of others.

I am disappointed.  I was so hoping to finally break the 200 mark for my birthday but I am 16 pounds away.  I guess I will have to move my goal further out. 

I did make one goal.  I am down into a size 16.  Not bad for being at a size 24 at the beginning of the year.  That is a drop of 4 dress sizes.  I can fit into some 14/16 tops.  I guess weight isn't the only measure of success.

This is a test to my blog profile.  Wanted to see if it will work.