I fell into a period in late August where I was going back to old habits.  There were several days that I was in a compulsive eating mode.  I felt I could not control myself and I would start eating from 6:00 am to about 9:00 pm.  I was on a carb craving attack.  Crackers, cookies, sweets, and salty snacks.  I told my DD that I was on a "Search and Destroy mission".  Food was the enemy and I was going to destroy every bit of it that was around.  The band did not help when I was eating little bits every 20 mins.  Over the period of these several days I gained 6 lbs.  I started to fall into the "I am always a failure" mode.  My negative self talk was "you can't control yourself therefore you are no good."

I was fortunate that I was journaling my emotions and my compulsion.  I was able to look back over the 2 week period and see that I was out of control.  Instead of allowing myself to fall into a major depression and pity party I decided to start over.  Start new. I looked back and saw that I was skipping some of my meds.  I wasn't getting enough sleep and I was letting stress get to me.  I haven't found the "one" trigger for the episode but I have found the desire to recommit to myself. 

I have made a goal to stay 100% on plan for the month of September with only 1 day as a "cheat" day.  I am going to allow myself one meal of whatever I want on September 15 for my granddaughters birthday.  I have made a goal to exercise at least 5 days a week and give myself permission not to work out on Sunday if I don't feel like it.  I am giving myself permission to take a nap on the weekend if I need it instead of stressing about work, home, kids, etc. So far so good.  I am taking each day, thinking about how I want to approach the day and following through.  Plans do change and I am giving myself permission to change with the day.  Nothing is written in stone.

I do have a short term goal to lose 15 lbs by the end of October.  With perserverance and the desire to succeed, I can make my goal.  I am not going to look at my long term goal because I can't visualize it right now.  I can visualize 15 lbs.  That is the picture in my head that I want to achieve.  Wish me luck.